because you're worth it.

Recently, I've been seeing a plethora of proposal pictures and baby announcements. I know you girls know what I'm talking about - they've taken over my facebook homepage and have even peeked their way into my Instagram feed. Then there's the promotion status or the link to the magazine article highlighting how your friend from high school just started a not for profit - then you think, what on earth have I done?!?

I hear you. I feel you. That's exactly where I am. Sometimes I feel like I am a step ahead though, but at the same time I feel losing out as well - I have a college degree and I'm working retail. Not that I don't love me job; I come across all walks of life, the company I work for is incredible and my coworkers.. Well, there are no words for them. But there are definitely no magazine articles about me or honorable mentions. So what am I doing wrong? 

Today seemed worse than other days though - maybe last nights fight with my boyfriend triggered these feelings, but I was having a very bad day. My boyfriends mother invited for me dinner, and we got to talking. She told me that there are two people one can bring home, someone who tears apart a family & someone that brings the family together - and that I am the latter. That she sees the happiness and calmness in her son, and that she attributes much of that to me. And I got to thinking, maybe our mark in life isn't about starting a new business or selling a new product. Maybe our mark in life is the people we touch.. At the end of the day, we won't be buried with any of our material things - all that remains of us is the legacy we've left with people, by how we've cared for them and touched them. 

So, to all those 20-something's or even 30-something's still unsure about their place in the world. Just stop. Chances are you've got a sibling who looks up to you, a parent who loves you, a significant other who considers you a rock or a friend who wouldn't know what they'd do without you. That is enough. You are enough. And just remember, that everyone feels alone, confused and lost sometimes. Take my decision to quit my job and move to New Jersey to be with my boyfriend - it was the scariest thing, jumping into the unknown. Five months after, I'm still struggling to find my place but these difficult moments continue to build me. They continue to remind me what I'm made of, capable of and that nothing can break me. And even if in five months this turns out to be the biggest flop, I will never regret the journey I took - even though the moment is excruciating and painful, you'll realize it's only to test you, and remind you just how strong you are. Never forget how strong you are. And remember, sometimes it's okay to feel hurt, to feel lost. But never give in. Because you're worth so much more! 

So I have been home these past few days and reveling in the beauty of the Christmas movies that have been playing nonstop on the hallmark channel. While I live for the heartwarming messages, I cannot get over the fact that the movies all end the same way – “I knew from the moment you were the one for me.” Okay, I love the mushy feelings, but we talked about this already. How can you know from the first moment you met that you’re in love? 

You don’t. 

Love doesn’t come first, in fact, love takes quite a bit of time to grow and develop.

A few days ago a coworker of mine was distraught that my boyfriend and I don’t exchange those three little words. She was shocked that I moved from my home and comfort zone for him, that we live together, talk about our future together – yet don’t say I love you. I won’t lie to you – she got under my skin. In the moment I was able to tell her that it’s more than just the words, it's the little things, like waking up with him and going to sleep with him or his conscious effort to talk to me during every free moment he has during his 16-hour work day that make me feel secure and special. But, during my last post… we talked about the 3-month rule; that most people exchange the three magic words after three months. It’s been about that, so she had me all confused on my way home. She got under my skin, and it caused a bit of a stir between us. Enough of a stir that I ended up sleeping on the couch. So, I started thinking… why is that people are addicted to relationship drama?

One word. INSECURITY. Think about, we’ve all heard some variation of the infamous words of advice:  “the power in a relationship lies in the hands of the person who cares the least.”

So, that’s what people do. Instead of working together to build a relationship based on honesty, respect, communication, and sharing life experiences with each other – people try to play the less interested party. I understand that people do this to protect themselves, but what they don’t realize is that they are destroying their own relationship. What happens is they build an emotional void , one that can EASILY be filled with an exchange of emotions and feelings towards each other, but who wants to give in and be the weak one? That’s a huge risk. I hear you. There are probably a handful of serious thoughts in my head that I keep to myself in order to not seem like the “needy one” – I get it. But it’s not healthy, because instead of speaking too each other people provoke their significant other to reassure them and give them the validation that they need.

But why? Why start an unnecessary argument. Moreover, why start an unnecessary pattern. If this becomes the way two people rely on expressing their feelings for each other, they have certainly laid the ground work of their relationship – and have missed the point. Sure, one of them will be likely to drop the “love” bomb during a provoked rant. Absolutely they will. because these moments and scenarios generate a passion that’s unparalleled. It’s the same kind of passion that you experience in the beginning of your relationship, where everything is still somewhat mysterious. You don’t know where you stand, how they feel about you – you know, that can’t eat, can’t breathe, check your phone every five minutes feeling we talked about? It’s in those moments of passion when you’ve provoked your significant other that those feelings come back - that moment where you feel as though your other half might walk away, you feel like you cant breathe. You feel as though you would fall apart if they walked away from you. However, eventually – you get numb to these passionate feelings. Eventually, the response you get from provoking your significant other is not at all as powerful as it used to be. Then what? What happened to the commitment? Where is the respect? The honesty? That’s the foundation of any relationship. That’s the risk you have to take in order to make sure that when you do exchange those three little words – that they come from a secure and honest place. That they wont be dismantled by a new coworker or a night out with the boys. Because when you say I love you, it’s after you’ve seen your partner in their best and worst light and you choose to accept them anyway. You’re saying to them that you’re committed to doing everything you can to secure and grow your relationship together.

Several years ago, I used to look at my parents and pray I didn’t have a relationship like they did. They were complacent. Sure they exchanged kisses, I love you’s, traveled and had date nights together, but there was never that “passion” or “fire” – spark if you well. I look back now, and pray that the relationship they share is the one I have the privilege to experience.

So the point of my rant… enjoy your time together and don’t use other people’s relationships as a bench mark for your own. No one knows your relationship better than you do. Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that you should remain closed off or that you should try to be the powerful one in a relationship, not only will you harm your relationship in the long run, but you’re not being true to yourself. And in the end, you’re going to regret that. You’re an amazing version of yourself, and to say it bluntly – if they can’t handle you at your worst, trust me when I say they don’t deserve you at your best.

Meeting the Parents

We have dated for quite some time.

We moved in together.

What else is left?

Obviously … MEETING THE PARENTS.

Usually, those three words are everything that a girl wants to hear; it means he cares and trusts you. Maybe… he even loves you!

But more importantly, when a man – NOTE I said the word man, not boy or guy – takes you to meet his parents, it’s a sign of showing you how serious he is about your relationship. Of course, this holds more truth if he values his parents’ opinion and if family is of utmost importance to him. Be that the case, a man will want to seek approval from his family, before settling down with you – he may need that stamp of approval to feel more comfortable and at ease with your future steps together.

Coming from a close family, I value that sentiment which is why I was absolutely terrified when my boyfriend suggested we stop by his parent’s house. Webster’s Dictionary defines terrified as “to cause extreme fear,” but it was more than that. I was petrified, anxious, nervous – having moved away from home, I missed the closeness of family. I was always worried about who to turn too if something was to happen to me. My boyfriend is gone for 16 hours a day, 8 of which he is unreachable. And making new friends is not always an overnight task, so wanting his parents to approve of me was just as much for our relationship, as it was for me. I wanted his parents to look at me as another daughter, a good fit for their son, and someone who brings out the best in their child. You know they say that in a relationship, there’s always a lucky one – I wanted his parents to feel that their son is lucky to have found the right one.

Lucky for me – I think I succeed. My boyfriends’ parents have, on numerous occasions, relayed to him how much they like me and have invited me to dinners while he is at work & call me to check in when doing their routine “rounds” on their children.

So here are my suggestions – take them with a grain of salt, because you should always remember to be yourself. There’s no greater piece of advice I can give.

Tip #1 - Be Yourself: OBVIOUSLY. so this one is a little bit of a tough one only because I believe that you need to be yourself, but you should never be dishonest or a pushover. You want his parents to get to know the real you – so while the phrases “please,” “thank you” and “my pleasure” should be used without question – you should never do things that make you feel uncomfortable. Or say things that you don’t believe; trust me, it will come back to haunt you. Your boyfriend brought you home to meet his family, because he likes who you are – the good, the bad, the ugly and the pretty. Remember that! And that is the person he wants them to get to know. Especially if you have talked about making a long-term commitment, your true colors will eventually come out and it will be worse if you hid a part of yourself rather than be honest from the beginning. We all want to be liked, but REMEMBER THIS: You’re not always going to agree with what they say or know what they’re talking about, but come across as genuine and you’ll find that your boyfriend’s family will respect you and care for you because you were yourself.

Tip #2 – Manners: I cannot drive this point home enough. But not just the first time you meet them; every time you see them. This point is especially important when it comes to your boyfriends’ mother who will have a hard time with the idea of another woman (other than herself) taking care of her child. Your manners will present you in a positive light and highlight your morals.

So here are a few detailed tips:

A. Learn A Little Bit About Them – my boyfriends parents love Cape May, NJ. Having spent several summers there - that was my go to topic in case conversation ever got awkward; which it did the first time I met them. However, it turned into a bonding experience as I sat down with his mother and she brought out old photos and magazines to tell me all about her adventures.

B. Be Aware of Cultural Differences – we live in America, everyone has a heritage and a religion. Your job is to tolerate and respect those differences. This lends itself the aforementioned tip about learning about the family, yes, but it also implies that you go out of your way to understand what practices are acceptable and which are not. For example, I am Persian and in my culture it is rude to turn down an offering of food. If my mother wants to put an extra scoop of rice on your plate, you better smile and take it. Little things like that will help bridge gaps, and make you understanding of your boyfriend’s background. You’ll find that it’s the little nuances that you’ll grow quite fond of.

C. Don’t Come Empty Handed, Always Be On-Time, and Offer to Help Out – please! I can’t stress how important punctuality is. I am late for everything, even work. But I refuse to be late to my boyfriend’s parent’s house because it’s disrespectful. But also, the first time you meet them, being late will only add to your already heightened nerves.

As for NEVER arriving empty handed, that rule applies each time you’re formally invited over for a meal or a holiday. And it’s absolutely polite to ask, but if your boyfriend’s mother says no (and mine does all the time) you still take something. Flowers, chocolate, dessert, a bottle of wine, or something as little as a spatula she was talking about from William Sonoma.

Also, always offer to help out. My boyfriend is Italian, and while I know they’re big on family and eating, my close friend who is also Italian told me that his mom will pay attention to whether I help clear the table and do dishes. Good to know, because after dinner I put the gloves right on and starting washing wine glasses. My boyfriend’s mother did stop me in the middle, by literally prying the sponge out of my hand, but she was able to see that I am not afraid to get my hands dirty.

Tip # 3: Dress appropriately – can’t stress this one enough either! Remember to be aware of where and when you’re meeting your boyfriend’s parents. If you’re dropping by, going to dinner, the movies, meeting at the park – every occasion has a dress code and  you want to stay as close to those guidelines as possible. There’s no sense in wearing patent pumps to the park, because it’s going to make you look high-maintenance, just as there’s no sense in wearing sneakers to dinner, because it shows you haven’t taken the time to care about your presentation. Presentation, sometimes, is also about the respect level you show for other people – not just the respect you show for yourself. Remember to flatter your figure, and remember the idea that if you won’t wear it in front of your grandma, it probably shouldn’t be worn in front of your boyfriend’s parents.

These are the outfits I chose from…

Seven For All Mankind Jeans, Forever21 White Blouse, Ferragamo Flats, Charming Charlie Necklace, and a  Scarf from TJ Maxx.

Abercrombie and Fitch Skinny Jeans, Ann Taylor Wrap Around Sweater, Enzo Angiolini Heels, and a Charming Charlie Necklace. 

Forever21 Blazer, Target Blouse, Paige Demin Skinny Jeans, Tory Burch Flats, Target Necklace and Charming Charlie Cuff.

As always, thanks for listening to me rant. XoX Becca

It’s amazing.

Everywhere you look people are relishing in pumpkin EVERYTHING. Pumpkin spice lattes, notorious pumpkin patch pictures with their SO. No matter where you look, it’s evident that it is officially fall. But in addition to seeing ankle booties, plaid and blanket scarves, I have seen more handholding, kisses and i-love-you’s being exchanged than in a Nicholas Sparks movie.

What?!

Being a religious believer of the saying, relationships are a winter sport, I can’t help but wonder whether these couples are holding on to the last few summer days or if in fact they found love on the Jersey Shore.

Being someone who has never uttered those three words before, well at least to a human. I have certainly uttered them to my Tory Burch Robinson Tote – how could you not? Have you seen how versatile it is? I have even expressed my undying love to my So Kate Louboutin Pumps – purple and coveted.

So, I took to what any ignorant person would do … I researched on google.

You cant imagine the number of articles out there written about love: when to say it, no literally – like how long to wait before you say it. How to say it. If you should say it. Why you should say it. Why you shouldn’t say it.

Now, call me inexperienced, but since when are two relationships them same? Where does men’s health get off on telling guys that they should wait until the 3-month mark to tell their girlfriends that they love them? Or Gossip Girl telling women that they should never be the first one to say I love you, because it causes a power shift.

Okay – maybe I agree with the power shift… not to suggest that I think women are inferior to men, because that couldn’t be farther from my standpoint. In fact, I believe that most generally the genuine success of a man – not necessarily highlighted in a paycheck – but his happiness, his home, his family, and sometimes his job, is achieved because he has a strong woman to fall back on. But I can’t say that I disagree with GG’s statement – maybe because I find that love has a lot to do with this romantic notion that us women have illustrated in our heads. The candles, the flowers, that perfect moment when your SO looks at you and simply tells you that they knew from the moment they met you that you were the one; before they utter those three little words you’ve been waiting for.

TIME OUT – are we actually paying attention to the frilly fairytale we’ve conjured in our heads?

I-knew-from-the-moment-I-met-you?! I love the sentiments, I think it’s beautifully crafted, I just can’t say that I agree. I’ll go back to my previous post where I was taught that great love is patient, but I will also add that I was raised to believe that people don’t fall in love, they grow into it.

Trust me, I know. It sounds cynical and so far removed from romance… I couldn’t agree more! Especially since I have said I love you to plenty pairs of shoes at first sight on the display tables at Nordstrom.

However, people are different… hear me out.

That immediate can’t live-can’t breath-check my phone every minute-don’t want to be without them rush of emotions… fades. Then you’re left with the reality that they leave dirty dishes in the sink, they don’t use coasters, they’ve gained a few pounds since you first started dating or you really dislike the way they handle stress.

Do you still feel like you can’t live without them?

That you cannot imagine being without them?

Or have these little things come to crawl under your skin, because that lust has faded? You’re finally starting to see the person you’re with in their purest sense, and perhaps you’re not at all as interested as you thought.

That’s the thing – I can’t quite say you were ever in love, because love isn’t just about a fleeting feeling and you don’t happen to “fall in love.” See, that passion that you feel at the beginning it’s the driving factor in wanting to spend time with this other person; it helps to foster open communication channels and an attachment or a connection if you will. That creates trust, a safe place to turn too – and that takes time. Some people come with baggage and their walls are harder to break than others, while some just don’t want to invest the time to build a foundation. But it’s in that time where you start to see who a person really is, and find that there is something perfect in imperfections and honesty.

My favorite moment of honesty are in the early mornings – I mean, have you ever paid attention to your SO when they wake up in the morning? I mean really paid attention to the way they look, feel, smell – that’s beauty in its most honest shape. I for one, cannot get enough of those mornings together.

I digress.

And that connection that was built from talking, spending time together, really opening up – it implies that the two of you will work through misunderstandings and issues that should arise. It means always giving the benefit of the doubt, and working together to better your relationship, because you’re committed to each other – and pursing your relationship no matter how you might feel that day.

This brings us back full circle – do you still “love” with your SO even though they leave dishes in the sink? What if they lost their job? Or got sick? I’m not saying you have to agree with everything but I am saying that sometimes you have compromise – and that all the time you have to respect differences. Love isn’t just an emotion, its an action. And you’ll realize that in strengthening those emotion and showing your love, you’ll grow into this amazing relationship  

Compromise… that was the point of this entire rant. Compromise has a lot to do with love, because it means you’re willing to put the happiness of someone else before your own.

Well my compromise of the week, being as I have the biggest sweet tooth in the world and my other half allows only one baked good in the house at the time –I compromised and made Peanut Butter cookies for my SO, even though I despise them. It’s the little things. Check out the pictures on my Instagram @brighteyesandhighheels and see the recipe below! Happy Baking & Enjoy Growing into Love.

& as always – thanks for listening to my rant. xx

Peanut Butter Cookies

1 ½ cups peanut butter

½ cup oil

1 ¼ cup brown sugar (make sure its tightly packed)

3 tbsp. half and half

2 tbsp. vanilla extract

1 egg

1 ¾ cup flour

¾ tsp. baking soda

I usually preheat the over to 375 and get my cookie trays ready. I then sift the baking soda and flour in a bowl. Then I beat the peanut butter, oil, sugar, milk and vanilla with an electric beater at its lowest setting. I add in the egg, and then slowly add the flour mixture and beat until mixed together. I roll then into balls and flatten them out with a criss-cross design made with a fork and I bake for 8 minutes. I then move on a wire rack to cool. I leave them cooling for about 45-minutes, because they are very soft upon coming out of the oven. 

I recently moved in with my boyfriend, much to the dismay of the many popular opinions of how long people should wait or the religious opinions… something about waiting to live together before marriage. Amazing how that was a concern, but premarital sex wasn’t. Go figure where people’s honesty will shine through. Nevertheless, true to myself I did some Google research to find out what to expect, though I should probably add that you never know what to expect until you jump in. Don’t worry; I’ll share my wise words of wisdom later!

BUT FIRST --  when I first told my girlfriends about my invitation to move in, the reactions I got were absolutely unparalleled. My girlfriends, the ones with their haloed diamond rings and ivy league fiancés were jealous of my move. I should most likely add that my other half is a hardworking, kind and unbelievably strong human being – there are times where I am not sure how I have made it through an event or a day without his constant support, though sometimes it seems more like a nag or a lecture, I have come to find that very rarely does something take precedence over my well-being, and I am undoubtedly lucky for – he carries me; there’s no other way to say it.

I digress.

My girlfriends started group messages – one more digression - isn’t that the worst? With all of apple’s technology – why cant they find me a way to get out of group messaging!? SERIOUSLY.

They would message things like:

You’re so lucky, you probably get to have sex all the time now.

Or

How great for you two to spend every single night in bed together, it’s so hard to go from spending weekends with ***** and then having to come back home to my place. I get so lonely in bed.

They made it sound so… glamorous. I am here to tell you, that while it’s absolutely an opportunity of a lifetime to go to bed and wake up next to this incredible man, it’s not as easy as they think.

There are ups and downs – hard work takes a toll on the mind and body, and I have come to learn that it affects peoples moods as well! And that’s okay, so long as you remember to never stop caring for each other. Perfection is impossible and fights are inevitable, you’ll be seeing each other more than ever before, and experiencing what life throws your way without the ability to decompress and then show your face. Remember to choose love. Remember to choose support. Remind your SO what it is that so fiercely attracted you – is it their strength? Their courage? Their intelligence? After all, you should always remember that you two are more than just roommates.  

And since you are more than roommates, remember to communicate. That’s my second bit of advice. Communicate about your future, but don’t be demanding and hounding about it – that scares people away. Like yo, when are you proposing? Or my biological clock is ticking… lets have babies! Someone, find me the closest door or window? Better yet – the butchers knife will do! These things take time, I have been told that love is patient and it never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4–8a), so take a breather! You’ll find that there will come a time where you should discuss your future and your expectations – what does your SO want from life? What are their goals? Do these goals include marriage and children? Do they support your goals? I always say, relationships should inspire and motivate you; they should bring out the very best version of ourselves. You know, the person that we dream of becoming but are too scared. Communicating helps to foster a relationship that grows, and thereby you grow as well. The key here is to grow together, not apart.

Now, sometimes you’ll learn that communication doesn’t work at all times. There will also be moments that try and try as you may; you’re going to need some time alone. And that’s okay, too. I usually put on tennis shoes and go for a run, complete a mini-shopping haul or hide away in the kitchen, while he ventures to create loud noises on one of his many toys – however, the point is to never let those interruptions linger. That’s my third bit of advice, always allow some time for yourself. You’ll find that when you do things you enjoy, and it’s okay that your SO doesn’t enjoy them, your attitude changes. That little change can make you a more inspiring person to be around. It also allows you to maintain YOU. After all, that’s what attracted your SO to you. Being unemployed and torn between my love for the city, and I guess… my heart here in Jersey – I find myself volunteering for PTA events, making friends, cooking, baking and taking on home improvement projects. 

Speaking of…

Home improvement… I am pretty sure that’s what this entire blog post supposed to be about – the key holder that was fabulously liked by several of you on my Instagram @brighteyesandhighheels. So here is a photo of what I made:

I bought all the tools and pieces from Michaels with a 40% off coupon that I had. The base is a plaster base, that was white, and the letters are made of wood. The paint is acrylic, and the flowers I used are made of paper. All links are included.

Steps:

1. I sanded down the letters to make sure all the edges were smooth; since I was going to use a metallic gold paint, the imperfections would should through
2. I then painted the plaster plaque in black and allowed in to dry.
3. While the plaque was drying I was able to screw the White Cup Hooks into the letters and paint them gold.
4. Since the plaque was made of plaster, the paint dried quickly and I used gorilla glue to bond the letters to the plaster. I let the plaque sit for 20-30 minutes, before putting some more glue on the edges of the letters. Once the glue dried, I fixed any imperfections.
5. Once the letters were dry, I turned the plaque over and painted the backside – black of course, and put the date of the creation
6. I added the flowers using gorilla glue
7. Hung the key holder on the wall using a push pin.

Tools:

1. Craft Smart Acrylic Paint in Vanilla and Black

http://www.michaels.com/craft-smart-acrylic-paint-bright-magenta/M10411722.html?dwvar_M10411722_color=Brown#q=acrylic+paint&start=5

2. Metallic Glorious Gold Acrylic Paint from Decoart

Not available for sale online

3. Gorilla Glue

http://www.michaels.com/search?q=gorilla%20glue

4. Jolee Boutique Flower Stickers

http://www.michaels.com/search?q=jolee%20boutique%20flower%20stickers

5. Artminds Foam Paint Brush

http://www.michaels.com/search?q=foam%20brush

6. 7/8in White Cup Hooks (not available online)

http://www.amazon.com/OOK-50684-8-Inch-Pieces-White/dp/B005PUC4WM

Honestly, I am a wannabe fashion blogger and I love to play dress up. In fact, designer high heels might be my vice. But, I love coffee, flowers and traveling. I even entertain home improvement projects, obscene amounts of traveling and conversations that last for hours, mostly about relationships.

What I attempted to start as a #wiw or #ootd diary has turned into a lifestyle blog. So, there will be some days where I will succumb to my love of fashion, frills and high heels but there will also days where I inadvertently give into my “bright-eyed” personality and share my opinions on the most random of topics. Whichever direction my post of the day takes me, I can promise that you’ll be entertained; sarcasm, hilarity and honesty will ensue.

And for quick brigheyesandhighheels fixes, please follow me on Instagram: BRIGHTEYESANDHIGHHEELS