Meeting the Parents

We have dated for quite some time.

We moved in together.

What else is left?

Obviously … MEETING THE PARENTS.

Usually, those three words are everything that a girl wants to hear; it means he cares and trusts you. Maybe… he even loves you!

But more importantly, when a man – NOTE I said the word man, not boy or guy – takes you to meet his parents, it’s a sign of showing you how serious he is about your relationship. Of course, this holds more truth if he values his parents’ opinion and if family is of utmost importance to him. Be that the case, a man will want to seek approval from his family, before settling down with you – he may need that stamp of approval to feel more comfortable and at ease with your future steps together.

Coming from a close family, I value that sentiment which is why I was absolutely terrified when my boyfriend suggested we stop by his parent’s house. Webster’s Dictionary defines terrified as “to cause extreme fear,” but it was more than that. I was petrified, anxious, nervous – having moved away from home, I missed the closeness of family. I was always worried about who to turn too if something was to happen to me. My boyfriend is gone for 16 hours a day, 8 of which he is unreachable. And making new friends is not always an overnight task, so wanting his parents to approve of me was just as much for our relationship, as it was for me. I wanted his parents to look at me as another daughter, a good fit for their son, and someone who brings out the best in their child. You know they say that in a relationship, there’s always a lucky one – I wanted his parents to feel that their son is lucky to have found the right one.

Lucky for me – I think I succeed. My boyfriends’ parents have, on numerous occasions, relayed to him how much they like me and have invited me to dinners while he is at work & call me to check in when doing their routine “rounds” on their children.

So here are my suggestions – take them with a grain of salt, because you should always remember to be yourself. There’s no greater piece of advice I can give.

Tip #1 - Be Yourself: OBVIOUSLY. so this one is a little bit of a tough one only because I believe that you need to be yourself, but you should never be dishonest or a pushover. You want his parents to get to know the real you – so while the phrases “please,” “thank you” and “my pleasure” should be used without question – you should never do things that make you feel uncomfortable. Or say things that you don’t believe; trust me, it will come back to haunt you. Your boyfriend brought you home to meet his family, because he likes who you are – the good, the bad, the ugly and the pretty. Remember that! And that is the person he wants them to get to know. Especially if you have talked about making a long-term commitment, your true colors will eventually come out and it will be worse if you hid a part of yourself rather than be honest from the beginning. We all want to be liked, but REMEMBER THIS: You’re not always going to agree with what they say or know what they’re talking about, but come across as genuine and you’ll find that your boyfriend’s family will respect you and care for you because you were yourself.

Tip #2 – Manners: I cannot drive this point home enough. But not just the first time you meet them; every time you see them. This point is especially important when it comes to your boyfriends’ mother who will have a hard time with the idea of another woman (other than herself) taking care of her child. Your manners will present you in a positive light and highlight your morals.

So here are a few detailed tips:

A. Learn A Little Bit About Them – my boyfriends parents love Cape May, NJ. Having spent several summers there - that was my go to topic in case conversation ever got awkward; which it did the first time I met them. However, it turned into a bonding experience as I sat down with his mother and she brought out old photos and magazines to tell me all about her adventures.

B. Be Aware of Cultural Differences – we live in America, everyone has a heritage and a religion. Your job is to tolerate and respect those differences. This lends itself the aforementioned tip about learning about the family, yes, but it also implies that you go out of your way to understand what practices are acceptable and which are not. For example, I am Persian and in my culture it is rude to turn down an offering of food. If my mother wants to put an extra scoop of rice on your plate, you better smile and take it. Little things like that will help bridge gaps, and make you understanding of your boyfriend’s background. You’ll find that it’s the little nuances that you’ll grow quite fond of.

C. Don’t Come Empty Handed, Always Be On-Time, and Offer to Help Out – please! I can’t stress how important punctuality is. I am late for everything, even work. But I refuse to be late to my boyfriend’s parent’s house because it’s disrespectful. But also, the first time you meet them, being late will only add to your already heightened nerves.

As for NEVER arriving empty handed, that rule applies each time you’re formally invited over for a meal or a holiday. And it’s absolutely polite to ask, but if your boyfriend’s mother says no (and mine does all the time) you still take something. Flowers, chocolate, dessert, a bottle of wine, or something as little as a spatula she was talking about from William Sonoma.

Also, always offer to help out. My boyfriend is Italian, and while I know they’re big on family and eating, my close friend who is also Italian told me that his mom will pay attention to whether I help clear the table and do dishes. Good to know, because after dinner I put the gloves right on and starting washing wine glasses. My boyfriend’s mother did stop me in the middle, by literally prying the sponge out of my hand, but she was able to see that I am not afraid to get my hands dirty.

Tip # 3: Dress appropriately – can’t stress this one enough either! Remember to be aware of where and when you’re meeting your boyfriend’s parents. If you’re dropping by, going to dinner, the movies, meeting at the park – every occasion has a dress code and  you want to stay as close to those guidelines as possible. There’s no sense in wearing patent pumps to the park, because it’s going to make you look high-maintenance, just as there’s no sense in wearing sneakers to dinner, because it shows you haven’t taken the time to care about your presentation. Presentation, sometimes, is also about the respect level you show for other people – not just the respect you show for yourself. Remember to flatter your figure, and remember the idea that if you won’t wear it in front of your grandma, it probably shouldn’t be worn in front of your boyfriend’s parents.

These are the outfits I chose from…

Seven For All Mankind Jeans, Forever21 White Blouse, Ferragamo Flats, Charming Charlie Necklace, and a  Scarf from TJ Maxx.

Abercrombie and Fitch Skinny Jeans, Ann Taylor Wrap Around Sweater, Enzo Angiolini Heels, and a Charming Charlie Necklace. 

Forever21 Blazer, Target Blouse, Paige Demin Skinny Jeans, Tory Burch Flats, Target Necklace and Charming Charlie Cuff.

As always, thanks for listening to me rant. XoX Becca